Depression

I wish I could sleep and never wake up!

I am master’s degree sem 2 now. This semester makes me hates myself.

While doing the assignment, I feel sad and wanna cry. I feel so stupid. I got blanked! All ideas were flew away!

Shut down the laptop. I cried as much I wanted. I should drop off my semester 2. So stupid to struggle burning the midnight oil when I was sem 1. I can’t handle anymore.

I feel so depressed! Now 2 months been passed. I have done nothing. Where ever you talk to your self to be OK and ignore the emptiness feeling, ignore loneliness, ignore hopelessness. It doesn’t work at all.

I hate myself when my ex-officemates met me fews days ago and wondering I got thinner than the last time. (it just less than one month we haven’t met, how it could be?)

I feel the changes of myself. No energy, no self-esteem, 🐼 eyes, had a far off look during the class. Terrible incident happened at managing risk class, ” you, what is the answer? Don’t look at my face (awak jangan tenung saya mcam tu)”. Oh my gosh my lecture is a man! His voice can be heard by everyone in the class.

“What (apa)?”  I replied, I don’t hear to his questions even though I look at his eyes seems I listen and focus.

He replied to me, “what, what?”

I facepalm myself. I feel embarrassed.

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